UK Monster Owners Club Forum .: General :. Humour/Jokes etc... » Getting old

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Old 21-09-2021, 07:57 PM   #1
Too much time on my hands member
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Shipbourne
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Getting old

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's licence and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".

I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
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Old 22-09-2021, 09:20 AM   #2
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I can agree with everything you have said and have the marks to prove it - but we won't go there.

Went out on a 'group' run the other week without my 'specs' and didn't realise it until I got home and 'there they were'!

Good luck ! - sounds as if we may need it.
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Old 23-09-2021, 06:20 PM   #3
Blah blah
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I had a similar text discussion with an old friend recently, we don't talk anymore though which is a bit sad (his hearing aids don't get on with his phone)

I may have lost my mind but at least I've still got my looks (although some old bloke keeps looking at me in the mirror)
Power is nothing without control... I have neither !
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