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Old 12-05-2017, 10:21 PM   #1
jerry
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answers from school exams

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination in USA
These are genuine answers (from 18 year olds).

Q. Name the four seasons
A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed
A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q... What happens to your body as you age
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A.. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A... When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A.. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (what!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A.. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A.. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A.. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

AND THE BEST IS LAST:

Q. What is a turbine?
A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. (now we're getting somewhere)
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Old 13-05-2017, 05:45 AM   #2
Moco1961
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Brilliant ! ........and worrying at the same time !
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Old 13-05-2017, 02:59 PM   #3
bigredduke
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And of course the classic schoolboy howler:

"Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with his 100 ft cutter"
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Old 13-05-2017, 03:23 PM   #4
Dirty
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Use 'Dandelion' in a sentence.

The cheetah is faster dandelion.



Of course these are all made up and where never actually part of any exam.
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Old 13-05-2017, 06:35 PM   #5
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Q. Use 'judicious' in a sentence

A. "For hands that judicious, there's mild, green Fairy Liquid"
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Old 13-05-2017, 07:27 PM   #6
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Use the word contagious in a sentence
Rosie says"my little brother had chicken pox and that was contagious"
Johnny says"our neighbour had a load of manure delivered onto his drive and my dad said it will take that c**t ages to shift that lot"
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Old 18-05-2017, 07:03 PM   #7
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I gotta vote for Evostus entry, I,m going to be laughing for days now.
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